Situation
B. is a nice boy. His mom, single parent, brought him to the club to become more assertive. As he is, besides nice also an adorable kid, he is raised by his mom alone. Dad is missing and B. is missing out on the very necessary components of a father figure that teaches him to become a boy, facing the very challenges of this world and growing into a man.
As the sport, environment and interactions are new, knowing that he has his own rhythm of comprehension and integration, he's picking up the technique of punches and kicks in his very own way. Most of the time in his proper innocence, with a profound willingness to learn, he sometimes gets into his 'boy-mood' that surprises me and all the rest of his perseverance and unexpected elaborations.
Up to the point where the exercises are becoming a little more challenging and he gets a blow in one of functional sparring sessions. Bringing him, besides the discomfort of the punch, also a stream of tears. (And now the public, the mothers in particular, are getting into an emotional awe of hurt and pain). Very normal and acceptable.
Less acceptable is the reaction of the mom after the course of wanting to withdraw her son from the classes because of this very incident. It is a natural response of a parent that you don't want to see you kid getting punched or hurt. It is another response to see the reality of the situation. Of course we are doing the utmost as a club to bring the technique and a logic methodology that favors first the ability to defend oneself before going to hit someone.
But withdrawing your kid because he gets hit for the first time does display a particular mindset. Not only do you renounce as a parent the very reason why you subscribed him and his development; to become more assertive, powerful and able to come up for himself. Now, you are denying the very means that lead to that result. Which in no case he will attain when you withdraw him from the classes.
Life is taking obstacles. They teach us how to face them, they teach us how to develop ourselves. So basically you're telling yourself, with the withdrawing, that you don't want to develop your kid as you previously so stated. It is an insult on yourself as a parent in two ways. You are not keeping up with your decision to make something of your kid, and with the withdrawal you certainly don't display much confidence in the abilities of you child, who has everything to learn. Now, what outcome do you think that has?
I countered the decision of the parent and told her B. was going to be there the next session. And he was. So something has been learned here. In the following sessions B. was more than aware of the mistake of the previous class, defended himself considerably better and even got to the point he called out to me to say that his opponent was not really hitting (as I told his opponent not to go so hard). With the surprising effect that he started hitting and defending himself as never before. The boy inside started growing!!!!
Every emotional reaction of a mother concerning the development of her boy, resulting in a withdraw of the activities, only result in the same way he was before; staying weak, having no assertiveness, being bullied in his social environment and eventually failing on all the other segments of life and relationships. Boys need to grow up towards men, that is a course that can only be initiated by masculine characteristics who will guide them through obstacles, resistance and the difficulties of life. Not by emotional decision and withdrawal. That is avoiding to become a man.
Ps. And Mommie, is that what you really need in your life, for your child, and yourself?
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